Overcoming Obstacles

Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?

When I work with clients, I often notice two distinct types of individuals.

The first group consists of self-reliant clients who are eager to make breakthroughs. They want to change how they approach their job search and/or career advancement. They know what they are currently doing is not netting them the results they want. They celebrate having new tools and practicing using new methods.

If you are in this self-reliant group you don’t need to read any further. You’re on the road to success and congratulations.

Now I get to the second group of clients. Those who repeat the same procedures and processes, then wonder why things aren’t happening.

If you have an inkling that you might be in this second category, read on. You need to take a sharp 180-degree turn and retool your thinking.

Which of these statements describe the way you operate?

Avoid trying anything new, whether it’s a new job search website, social networking program, taking a Toastmasters meeting or enrolling in a computer refresher course
Never whole-heartedly give something a chance - says no, or that’s not for me, having given it only a “yes but” scrutiny
Makes excuses as to why things are not happening - the dog got sick, the house needed repairs, etc. as the justification for not moving ahead
Complain that things are not happening but take little or no action to get fresh results

So, do you recognize yourself…even a little bit?

When any of the above thought patterns arise, you don’t recognize them as self-defeating. They are so much a part of your modus operandi, your knee jerk reaction that you end up saying “no” before you even realize it. It’s an embedded cycle that’s hard to break.

That’s why it takes a leap of faith and discipline to move forward. Action outside your comfort zone is difficult, causing you to invoke one or another avoidance excuse. Making those all-important networking calls, for instance, gets deferred to another time. Or you have to have your car repaired, so you can’t possibly schedule a refresher computer class.

So, pick yourself up out of this victimhood mode, and realize that there is help at your fingertips. Most people want to help, especially those that care about you. And there’s a multitude of helpful avenues out there to pursue - online resources, in-person groups, professional coaches/counselors, family, friends, etc.

Having the courage to make a change can open new, better doors to opportunities you’d never have imagined before. Okay, so you may not hold the same title you did previously, or make as much money. On the plus side, you could experience a satisfaction that you never felt in your old career. One that provides you with a new sense of fulfillment that makes you welcome each day.

I’m reminded of a wonderful commencement speech that Steve Jobs gave at Stanford University some years back. The points he chose to impart to the graduating class were: connect the dots and embrace change.

Connect the dots: Steve, who never graduated from college, and who dropped out during his first year, was unsure what he wanted to do. So he took courses that appealed to him. One of them was a calligraphy course that he fell in love with. Ten years later, as the creator of the first Macintosh computer, he was able to incorporate his love of type and fonts into the first computer model. That’s why Macintosh computers are renowned for excellent type and graphics, not to mention operational simplicity. A business model, once proven, that Microsoft copied.

Lesson learned: You can never anticipate how knowledge learned today can become an integral part of your future. You can’t connect the dots looking forward, but you can certainly connect them looking back. So take classes that interest you, try new experiences. Even if you don’t pursue that field as a living, they will enrich your knowledge and become part of what you can give the world.

Embrace change: Steve Jobs was fired after 10 years at Apple by the board of Directors. (Never does a good deed go unpunished). He was devastated and didn’t know what to do next. He realized he still loved computers and graphics and went onto create two new successful companies, NEXT and Pixar. The rest is history.

Lesson learned: When you have changed foisted upon you — i.e. a layoff, let it be the catalyst to search for what inspires you. Let that lead the way to your next career choice. As in Mr. Jobs’ case, it can put you on a new, an even more fulfilling, path.

Steve Jobs’ suggestions have a common thread: embracing change, and embarking on something new, puts happiness in your own hands. Repeating the same old same old is a dead end!

So, what are you waiting for? Take a deep breath and take the first step. You will be happy you did.

Dale Kurow, M.S., MCDP, is an author and a seasoned executive and career management coach with broad-based business experience. She has built her reputation by delivering just in time, reality based feedback and counseling to rising executives, helping them flourish at the next level.

Are You A Naysayer?

What happens the first time you hear about a new suggestion, idea or offer outside your comfort zone?

Do you immediately say “no”?

Does your stomach do somersaults while your brain struggles to come up with negative comebacks, both verbal and nonverbal?

Do suggestions outside your usual terrain make you feel frightened? Anxious?

How many opportunities have passed you by, and how much have you limited yourself, owing to a naysaying first reaction?

You are not alone, and there’s hope.

Did you ever wonder how the people who constantly put themselves out there (giving speeches, performing, in leadership positions) do it?

They do all those miraculous things AND they are often nervous and scared!

I recently saw Cher’s Farewell Concert on TV. A backstage camera was following her just before her concert began. One of the first things she said was, “I’m nervous.” This from a diva who has been performing for 40 years!! Did she give a great concert? Yes. Could you tell that she was nervous? No. Well, it only took 40 years of practice to perform beautifully despite being nervous!

I often wonder why people say “no” so quickly. Saying “no” may be an attempt to control your world. Otherwise, it may get too overwhelming? Or you may put yourself in a position to fail? Or be embarrassed?

Okay, nothing wrong with saying “no” when you need to set boundaries. Or when you know something isn’t right for you. But what about those times in the middle? For instance, if it’s a brand new idea that you’ve never considered before?

Here’s how this translates to your career:

You’re looking for a job. When someone mentions a career area that you’ve not considered before, do you immediately dismiss it without at least getting more information? Do you not even ask the person why they suggested it?

You’ve exhausted your contacts, spent hours submitting your resume to on-line job boards, yet balk when someone says you need to get out and do more networking.

Do you ignore job ads that might be a stretch because they don’t exactly fit your qualifications? What are you saying to yourself as you turn the page on that ad? I bet it’s a negative thought.

How married are you to remaining negative? Do you justify your lack of success by always pointing towards all the bad stuff that’s happening?

When you hear about a project or get to bid on a new piece of work, do you immediately feel you are an imposter and doubt your capabilities?

Sound familiar?

A client recently said to me, after I suggested a program that would help her deal with the clutter in her life, “How often do I have to do this? More than once?”

Try, your whole life! But like the example of Cher above, it gets easier after 40 years.

Well, the best way I know to counter your loud inner naysayer is to notice what it says . . . but not act on it. For instance,
if your knee jerk reaction is to say “no” and your stomach is doing its usual dance when someone makes a suggestion, say, “That’s an interesting notion, I never thought about that before.”

Give yourself time to ponder it, consider it in the light of a new day. Then, decide if it feels right. What you’ll be doing is giving new ideas a fair chance to flourish.

Being open to new ideas is the best way over the speed bumps on the road to getting a new job, winning that promotion or becoming a better boss.

I often use the phrase “speed bumps” with my clients, to symbolize the hardest part of keeping motivated when you’ve exhausted the usual channels of a job search. And there’s usually more than one speed bump. They come in twos, or threes.

So, next time you hit a speed bump, notice your naysayer. Then, continue to move forward, smiling.

Surviving Job Loss

If you are one of the many who are unemployed or anticipate being out of work, read on.

When you lose a job, whether by choice or not, you may feel loss, fear and its helpful cousin, anxiety.

It may have been a miserable situation that you couldn’t wait to leave. You may start beating yourself up (mentally and emotionally) for having stayed too long, for lack of foresight and for the dread of having to begin a job search.

These emotions are draining, debilitating and make you want to stay in bed.

Here are some tips that I’ve learned through the years to deal with job loss:

Initially, give yourself the time to feel and deal with the loss.

That may mean you need to postpone your job search. That’s okay. You’ll come back stronger after taking the time you need. However, if you can’t get out of bed after a week or two, seek professional support.

From day one, focus on taking care of yourself.

This is not the time to eat junk food or give up your exercise program. Your immune system takes a hit when you are stressed, so give it the fuel and care it needs to help you stay healthy.

Visit with close family and friends.

You need hugs, comfort and support. The best place to get it is with people who love you. Don’t isolate yourself for days.

Take time to be reflective.

Think about what your strengths are and what part(s) of your last job you would want to do again. Take notes.

If your last boss was a monster, think about what you would look for in your next boss.

What type of personality and temperament would you seek? What would you avoid? How will you know if it’s a good fit?

Rehearse how you will handle questions about your previous employer, especially if you were forced out.

Don’t get bogged down in too many details. Most employers know that companies reorganize, resulting in staff changes. You don’t need to lie. You can position your former situation in a positive light, without sounding like a victim.

Limit the amount of time you spend speaking with former coworkers.

You don’t need to rehash what happened and who said what about whom. This is a waste of time.

If you really feel blue, think about past successes in your career or life.

Focus on times when you felt joyful. Look at photos of trips or events when you were happy.

Your “job” before getting a job is to keep yourself well and heal prior to launching your job search campaign. You’ll be more successful, and have more confidence and poise, if you give yourself time to restore your energy and resolve.

Getting Past Fear

Have you gotten tons of career advice, solicited and unsolicited? You nod when you hear it and think, “Yeah, I know this stuff.” So what else is new?

But what have you done with the advice? Fess up. Probably very little.

Do any of these scenarios fit:

You’re in a job you absolutely hate. It’s ruining your health and your life. You stay because of the money, or the fear that there’s nothing better out there.

You’re in a job where your boss ignores you, barks instructions and expects you to be a work alcoholic. But you stay because a new boss might be worse.

You’re lazy. You figure that one of these days you’ll hear about a great job, the economy will improve, or maybe your boss will realize how great you are. Plus you don’t have a resume.

Or, you’re unemployed, and decide not to pursue a job that you heard about, or a field you are interested in, because one person said they were looking for experience you didn’t have. Well, they know best, right?

Hello. I want to grab you by the shoulders, look into your eyes and say “Wake up and smell the coffee!” Santa Claus is not coming down your chimney and Elvis has permanently left the building.

So, why do otherwise savvy adults live with this passive mindset?

F-E-A-R. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of rejection.

You name it, fear has a starring role. With procrastination and laziness as co-stars.

But there’s help at hand!

I read a book 12 years ago, Feel the Fear, and Do It Anyway

by Dr. Susan Jeffers that changed my life. It has been changing my client’s lives ever since. (More about the book in the suggested reading section later).

The crucial thing I learned from this book is that everything depends upon your attitude, your perception of the situation.

Not what happens. Not what people say or do. But how you view it.

So, you’ve heard that before too, right? Has it changed the way you tell yourself how to view what happens, I doubt it.

Here’s the powerful stuff (and stuff I’ve bet you’ve heard before too). Nobody changes his or her attitude without working at it. I’m here to tell you that you need to work that attitude muscle, just like you do your biceps at the gym. Otherwise, forget it.

You don’t wake up one morning, optimistic, ready to take on the world and feeling like Pollyanna. Especially, if you’re out of work, hate your job or are just plain lazy.

So, how do you change your attitude?

Years of therapy. No, just kidding.

Like exercising your biceps, the attitude muscle needs work everyday.

I recommend reading Jeffers book, cover to cover.

In the meantime, here are some tips:

Internal Dialogue exercises (you need to do these more than once a day for starters):

Change the dialogue you have with yourself. Instead of thinking “I’m afraid, or “I don’t want to look stupid.” Think, “I can handle that or “I know I will get a job.”

Instead of thinking “Gee, that’s a problem”, think, “It’s an opportunity.” If someone says “You don’t have the kind of experience for that type of work.” Think, “It’s one person saying it, and let me get more information.”

And forget about words like should or try. Ban them from your vocabulary. They are negative and weak words. Own your power! You either will or won’t.

When I first read Jeffers book, I pasted positive quotes all over the refrigerator and near my desk. I suggest you use quotes that are meaningful to you.

Here’s one I love:

“I’m not a failure if I don’t make it .I’m a success because I tried.” Unknown

Finally, most people think they are the only one experiencing gut wrenching fear. NOT.

You are going to feel the fear whenever you are in new territory (a good thing) but SO IS EVERYONE ELSE. This is one club you’ll want to join. Membership requirements - facing down your fear and bravely moving forward despite it!

Preparing Your Elevator Speech

For more career advancement tips, check out my new blog at: Executive Coach In New York

So, what’s an elevator speech, and how do you get one?

What Is It?

An elevator speech is a short (15-30 second, 150 word) sound bite that succinctly and memorably introduces you. It spotlights your uniqueness. It focuses on the benefits you provide. And it is delivered effortlessly.

Elevator speeches are intended to prepare you for very brief, chance encounters in an elevator. But elevator speeches are not just for elevators! You should use it whenever you want to introduce yourself to a new contact. That could be in the supermarket, waiting in line at an ATM or when you get your morning latte.

So, who better than you to describe with passion, precision and persuasiveness what you do? A great elevator speech makes a lasting first impression, showcases your professionalism and allows you to position yourself.

And if you want to network successfully, you need an elevator speech!

How to Prepare an Elevator Speech, or What’s My Line?

Now for a short course in preparing your elevator speech, or unique selling proposition.

First, and most important, think in terms of the benefits your clients or customers derive from your services.

Trust me, no one is going to be riveted if you say:
“Hi, my name is Stanley Manly, and I’m a public relations executive with twenty years of experience.”

Or:
“Hi, I’m Sally Hopeful, and I’m an executive recruiter.
Two big yawns.

What’s In It for Me?

Do you recall that old radio station, WII-FM: What’s In It For Me?!

If you remember that people are always more interested in how you can help them, you’re on the right track. Keep that top of mind when composing your speech.

Here’s how to improve the two examples mentioned above:
“Hi, my name is Stanley Manly, and I help inventors tell the world about their inventions.”
“Hi, I’m Sally Hopeful. I partner with companies that need to find talented people to help their business growth and become more profitable.”

Now, you’ve got my attention!

Let’s use my elevator speech before and after as an example:

Here’s my before version (and I wondered why people looked at me with a frozen smile!):
“Hi, I’m Dale Kurow, and I’m a career and executive coach. I hold a Master’s Degree in Career Counseling and have been trained by a master level coach. (Who cares!) I’ve been an HR director for a multinational cosmetic company, run a PR agency and taught college-level business courses. (So what!) I believe that coaching can be the catalyst to change your life. (Are you asleep yet?)

See how that was all about me, me, me?

Now for the revised version:
“Hi, I’m Dale Kurow, and I help people become more successful at their work. For example, I’ve helped a client change jobs with a 40% salary increase, I’ve helped a client develop the skills to deal with a difficult boss, and I’ve helped a manager devise new ways to keep her staff motivated.”

Here’s a few more examples:

I know an Avon representative who says:
“I help women look beautiful.”

Or a business coach that says:
“I help you get more clients than you know what to do with.”

And here’s my favorite, one that is used by an IRS agent:
“I’m a government fund-raiser.”

Action Steps

So, here’s what you need to do to craft your elevator speech.
First, write down the “deliverables” - the services or features that you provide. Then, think in terms of the benefits that your clients or employer could derive from these services. You could use several successful client outcomes, as I did.

Once you’ve got that written, create an opening sentence that will grab the listener’s attention, as our Avon representative did above. The best openers leave the listener wanting more information. And you do not have to include your title, especially if you think it has a negative connotation (an IRS agent, for example).

Finally, your elevator speech must roll off your tongue with ease. Practice your speech in front of the mirror and with friends. Record it on your answering machine, and listen to it. Do you sound confident? Sincere? Is it engaging? Tweak accordingly. Then, take it on the road!

For more career advancement tips, check out my new blog at: Executive Coach In New York

Unlimit Your Life

Do you have a tendency to think in absolutes? Is everything good or bad, black or white?

This type of thinking can severely limit your options. Or worse, prevent you from getting an accurate picture of what’s possible.

Most people are uncomfortable hanging out in the “I don’t know” space. The anxiety of not knowing triggers a rush to decision making. However, learning how to deal with periods of uncertainty while weighing your options will afford you the time to make a superior choice.

So how do you do this? Try a new approach and get support.

Broaden Your Reach

Suppose you wanted to explore career options. If you usually get advice from one or two people, instead make a list of every possible person who might provide information. If you get a knot in your stomach at the thought of contacting these people, you’re on the right track! You’re out of your comfort zone, and that’s good. To build up your courage before tackling this list, ask a trusted friend for encouragement and moral support.

As a further challenge, attempt to connect with a person who has achieved prominence in their field. While getting an appointment with a successful individual or receiving a return e-mail may take time, the effort could result in valuable insight and net you a future mentor.

Ideally, speak with one person working in each of the ranks (upper, middle and/or lower) of the career area you are exploring. Keep the information flowing by asking your contact for another name.

Besides getting a more detailed picture of what you can expect from this career choice, you’ll begin to get a view of all the permutations that are possible. Each person’s opinion will broaden your view and knowledge.

Explore The Gray Area

It is in this huge “gray area” where a wonderful new career might be waiting for you. You could even discover that you already possess many of the requisite skills, making a career transition easier than you thought.

In the end, the choices you make will improve if you do the research and take the time for reflection. Don’t panic or rush the process. In this case, faster is not better, slower is. And a wonderful by-product of this process is a newfound sense of self-confidence and fresh possibilities!

Unlocking Your Potential For Positive Vision

Are you a leader that everyone looks to you for guidance and direction? Do you possess a positive view of who you are and what you can accomplish? Does that result in a positive vision that you communicate to your staff?

Sometimes leaders can get caught up in negative thinking patterns. When the economy has taken a hit, you might be facing a staff that’s feeling disgruntled and put upon. You’ve been asked to do more with less. Less staff, less money, less autonomy, less of everything.

While it’s always a struggle to stay positive, a true leader needs to develop the mental muscles to remain positive even when facing multiple challenges. Don’t let the naysayers or obstacles sap your emotional energy. What’s one good that you can focus on today?

All the successful leaders I’ve worked with power ahead, despite being tired and overworked. Where does that reserve come from? A desire to succeed — a passion to overcome challenges — a competitive spirit.

That’s the magic juice for unlocking your potential for a positive vision.

Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?

Which of these statements describe the way you operate?

So, do you recognize yourself…even a little bit?

Are You A Naysayer?

Here’s how this translates to your career:

Suggested Reading

Surviving Job Loss

Here are some tips that I’ve learned through the years to deal with job loss:

Initially, give yourself the time to feel and deal with the loss.

From day one, focus on taking care of yourself.

Visit with close family and friends.

Take time to be reflective.

If your last boss was a monster, think about what you would look for in your next boss.

Rehearse how you will handle questions about your previous employer, especially if you were forced out.

Limit the amount of time you spend speaking with former coworkers.

If you really feel blue, think about past successes in your career or life.

Suggested Reading

Getting Past Fear

Suggested Reading

Preparing Your Elevator Speech

What Is It?

How to Prepare an Elevator Speech, or What’s My Line?

What’s In It for Me?

Action Steps

Suggested Reading

Unlimit Your Life

Broaden Your Reach

Explore The Gray Area

Suggested Reading

Unlocking Your Potential For Positive Vision

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