Dale Kurow Executive Coach
“My time spent with Dale was absolutely instrumental to the growth of my leadership skills. Let me be on record that this document does not do justice to the profound effect that Dale had on me and will have on me for the rest of my managing life.”

Jonathan Lederer, VP, Sales, Popkin Software,
New York City

Confidence versus Egocentricity

Have you ever glazed over when someone talks too much?

Do you want to tell that person, "oh, just shut-up. You're boring me?"

Do you wonder if people perceive you the same way? As jabbering on, that is!

Ah, good questions.... And ones that you need to answer before you open your mouth.

Confidence and feeling "in the groove" when you're speaking is great.

Unless you forgot to check your ego at the door.

Or are ignoring your audience.

I just experienced such a situation.

I was asked to call someone as a favor. This person was interested in getting advice from me. (I'm an executive coach).

So, from my point of view, the person I was calling should have been sensitive about taking up my time.

Not the case.

I listened to this person for 20 minutes. I'm sure she thought she was giving me important background information.

Did I learn something?

Not much.

Did she check in with me to see if this much detail was necessary?

Was she sensitive about my time?

No and no.

This person was a senior, and well-paid, executive in her field.

It struck me that she was so accustomed to giving orders, her radar for reading people was non-existent. (Or she was so self-centered she didn't care).

What I came away with was her need to talk to impress me.

In other words: her ego.

So, don't confuse being confidence with being egocentric.

It's always better to listen, rather than talk, when you first meet someone.

Further, your ego on display is not a plus under any circumstances.

Let your motto be: quiet confidence!

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Dale Kurow, Career & Executive Coach, 175 W. 76th St., New York, NY 10023