Outsider to Insider at work: Turnaround Tips

Executive Coaching

Building Rapport in your New Job: Turnaround Tips

You’ve recently started a new job with a larger role.  The position sounded ideal because it promised growth and the opportunity to showcase your skills.   You were thinking of this as the next logical step in your career.

But it’s not turning out the way you had anticipated.

Your new co-workers are a tightly knit group and clicky.  Moving your agenda forward requires their cooperation and support.  Frustratingly, your initiatives are being stalled because you can’t get traction from the influencers on your team. The ideas you suggest are met with “that’s not the way it’s done here.”

Worse, you can’t seem to insert yourself into conversations or take part in inside jokes.

You wonder what the heck is happening?

And you are feeling like an outsider.

Take heart my friend; you are experiencing the transitional pains of fitting into a new culture.

Here are steps you can take immediately to pave the way for receiving more cooperation on your projects while building better relationships with your coworkers:

  • Don’t put the cart before the horse.  In the example above, the new employee hadn’t built the bridges or relationships with co-workers that would make them inclined to help.  First and foremost, you need to launch a sincere effort to build good will.

  • Starting Over — So how do you build rapport after coming on like gangbusters?  Begin with saying you’d like to start fresh by pushing the reset button.   Invite them to coffee/lunch and approach the conversation as a friend…what would you ask a new acquaintance to get to know them?  Questions about their family, interests, motivators, etc.?  Do not attempt to bring up business or your goals.  These first chats are about them.

  • It’s not all about you or your objectives.  Once you sense you’ve created the groundwork for a discussion with the influencers, ask them their opinion of your projects and how you might be of help to them?  Ensure that they are aware that this is a two-way street.   And you need to mean it.  Ultimately it may require more effort on your part to deliver on your promise to help them.  However, in the long run, it’s the only way to be successful when you need other people’s support.

  • Make it a habit.   Being hard driving and goal oriented is all well and good but you need to earn the loyalty and commitment of your team. That means becoming a leader that people trust and want to follow.  Working well with others requires understanding what motivates each person and helping them become successful.   Incorporate these leadership skills into your everyday approach and you’ll go from an outsider to an insider at work.  More importantly, you’ll have developed expertise that you can put to good use in every future position.

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Need help in defining exactly what you can do in your new job to become successful?  That’s why people hire an executive coach.  Working with a coach you will receive support, accountability and a blueprint for action steps to become successful and comfortable in your new role.

 

Authoritarian Bosses Create Cutthroat Cultures

bosses“Remove staffers who don’t crush it. Immediately.”

This quote came from an Inc.com article — “10 Ways to Step Up Your Leadership Today” by Dave Balter published in January  of this year.

Did you cringe when you read that? I did.

And that uncomfortable feeling stayed with me for days.

My immediate reaction was — who is really making the mistake here?

How much of the failure to “crush it” is the fault of the boss?

What kind of culture does this method create and is it conducive to retaining good people?

Here are things to consider:

The CEO’s and bosses I work with are creative, driven and extremely hard working. However, they often lack leadership skills and that keeps my executive coaching New York business busy. Further, they are terrible at giving direction, often sketching out in a vague and unformed fashion what they hope to achieve.

So, boss, ask yourself — have you given ANY direction to your staff? How specific was the direction? Are you unclear in your own mind what you expect the outcome to be?

You may want to triple your profits. You may want to be known for the best customer service in your industry. You may want to produce
a product that will knock the your client’s socks off. Or you may think that any of these outcomes would be good.

Any uncertainly in your mind will compound the uncertainty of those that are responsible for delivering results. Ensure that your staffers are clear on what you want by asking them to review their commitments and deliverables.

You don’t need to provide specific methods for reaching the desired targets. You do need to share the “why” and the ultimate goals. Allow your staff to find their own way of getting to the results. If you insist on the method being your way, you will kill creativity and independent thinking.

How open are you to providing coaching or employee development? Do you expect every new hire to come in and perform at the highest level without a period of learning, transitioning and melding with the team?

Okay, I’m not saying you coddle or excuse poor performance after 3-6 months. I am saying that to expect extraordinary results right out of the gate is unrealistic. And it creates morale problems and a cutthroat culture that allows no room for learning or missteps.

If you set a high bar and expect everyone to reach it, then you also need to provide the tools and a pathway for your people to get there.

Results are what profitable businesses are all about. However, if results are your sole criteria for success, ask yourself if this is the
type of business culture and future you want your children to inherit.

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Do you want to motivate and lead your staff more effectively? My executive coaching services can help you hone your leadership skills and clearly define your goals and objectives.

Achieve Goals with Conversations That Count

achieve goals, achieving goalsIn my executive coaching work, I’m often asked how I help people reach the next level and achieve their goals.

My simple response to that question is —

Make your conversations count.

Every conversation.

How flattered would you feel if an acquaintance you met once remembered not only your name but also details about what you said?

My guess is you’d feel flattered and impressed that your words were remembered.  It’s a good feeling that you can create with your contacts if you stay in the present moment.

Achieving your goals necessitates interacting with other people — securing information or budgets, seeking guidance, brainstorming or making requests for connections with other people who might be helpful.

So, how do you make your conversations count?

Here are tips for having a dialogue that’s not soon forgotten:

  • Focus  — All your energy, attention and eye contact on the other person.  Shake hands with a firm grip and a genuine smile on your face and in your eyes. Listen intently so you recall details. Crystallize the key points in your mind and take notes afterwards. Then refer back to the comments, stories and suggestions the next time you connect.
  • Relax —People are attracted to those who are tranquil and calm.  No matter the type of person you are speaking with — approach them as an equal and be yourself.   They will want to be around you because you radiate confidence and are comfortable in your skin.
  • Prepare — You know the questions you want to ask, or you should.  That’s a no-brainer.  Beyond your questions, your prep work should consist of research that will show you care enough to know more than their name and title.  Prepare one or two specific comments that would spark a dialogue.
  • Why are you speaking?  — Ask yourself that question before you say anything.  Are you truly listening and responding in the moment to what the other person is saying?  Are you even present? Or are you wrapped up with what you are going to say next, so you can sound impressive?  Too many of us are afraid of appearing stupid or insecure so we compensate by uttering words that have nothing to do with the topic at hand, or say too much.  It’s much wiser to listen more, learn, and respond succinctly.   Your words will have greater impact, and will be more meaningful, if you distill the information you share.
  • Expect Good Outcomes — Assume positive intent about people and situations.  The tone of your voice and your choice of words will directly reflect your mental outlook. People gravitate towards upbeat and outgoing individuals, thus compounding the reason to stash away any negative thoughts.
  • Offer Your Help — Don’t wait until you send a follow-up email or card.  Before the conversation ends, offer your assistance.  If you’ve done your prep work, you might even offer help on a current project that is important to your contact.


You can achieve your goals if you upgrade the quality of your conversations.  Charismatic people know this, and use the power of focus to draw people into their circle of influence by making everyone feel heard and respected.

Here’s a short and helpful article on having better conversations in the February issue of Fast Company.  Read it here: http://www.fastcompany.com/3004491/how-toyes-and-your-way-better-banter

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Are you planning the steps to achieve your goals?  That’s where I can help.  Visit my executive coaching services page!

Confidence versus Egocentricity

Have you ever glazed over when someone talks too much?

Do you want to tell that person, “Oh, just shut-up. You’re boring me”?

Do you wonder if people perceive you the same way? As jabbering on, that is!

Ah, good questions… And ones that you need to answer before you open your mouth.

Confidence and feeling “in the groove” when you’re speaking is great.

Unless you forgot to check your ego at the door.

Or are ignoring your audience.

I just experienced such a situation.

I was asked to call someone as a favor. This person was interested in getting advice from me. (I’m an executive coach).

So, from my point of view, the person I was calling should have been sensitive about taking up my time.

Not the case.

I listened to this person for 20 minutes. I’m sure she thought she was giving me important background information.

Did I learn something?

Not much.

Did she check in with me to see if this much detail was necessary?

Was she sensitive about my time?

No and no.

This person was a senior, and well-paid, executive in her field.

It struck me that she was so accustomed to giving orders, her radar for reading people was non-existent. (Or she was so self-centered she didn’t care).

What I came away with was her need to talk to impress me.

In other words: her ego.

So, don’t confuse being confidence with being egocentric.

It’s always better to listen, rather than talk, when you first meet someone.

Further, your ego on display is not a plus under any circumstances.

Let your motto be: quiet confidence!

Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?

When I work with clients, I often notice two distinct types of individuals.

The first group consists of self-reliant clients who are eager to make breakthroughs. They want to change how they approach their job search and/or career advancement. They know what they are currently doing is not netting them the results they want. They celebrate having new tools and practicing using new methods.

If you are in this self-reliant group you don’t need to read any further. You’re on the road to success and congratulations.

Now I get to the second group of clients. Those who repeat the same procedures and processes, then wonder why things aren’t happening.

If you have an inkling that you might be in this second category, read on. You need to take a sharp 180-degree turn and retool your thinking.

Which of these statements describe the way you operate?

  • Avoid trying anything new, whether it’s a new job search website, social networking program, taking a Toastmasters meeting or enrolling in a computer refresher course
  • Never whole-heartedly give something a chance - says no, or that’s not for me, having given it only a “yes but” scrutiny
  • Makes excuses as to why things are not happening - the dog got sick, the house needed repairs, etc. as the justification for not moving ahead
  • Complain that things are not happening but take little or no action to get fresh results

So, do you recognize yourself…even a little bit?

When any of the above thought patterns arise, you don’t recognize them as self-defeating. They are so much a part of your modus operandi, your knee jerk reaction that you end up saying “no” before you even realize it. It’s an embedded cycle that’s hard to break.

That’s why it takes a leap of faith and discipline to move forward. Action outside your comfort zone is difficult, causing you to invoke one or another avoidance excuse. Making those all-important networking calls, for instance, gets deferred to another time. Or you have to have your car repaired, so you can’t possibly schedule a refresher computer class.

So, pick yourself up out of this victimhood mode, and realize that there is help at your fingertips. Most people want to help, especially those that care about you. And there’s a multitude of helpful avenues out there to pursue - online resources, in-person groups, professional coaches/counselors, family, friends, etc.

Having the courage to make a change can open new, better doors to opportunities you’d never have imagined before. Okay, so you may not hold the same title you did previously, or make as much money. On the plus side, you could experience a satisfaction that you never felt in your old career. One that provides you with a new sense of fulfillment that makes you welcome each day.

I’m reminded of a wonderful commencement speech that Steve Jobs gave at Stanford University some years back. The points he chose to impart to the graduating class were: connect the dots and embrace change.

Connect the dots: Steve, who never graduated from college, and who dropped out during his first year, was unsure what he wanted to do. So he took courses that appealed to him. One of them was a calligraphy course that he fell in love with. Ten years later, as the creator of the first Macintosh computer, he was able to incorporate his love of type and fonts into the first computer model. That’s why Macintosh computers are renowned for excellent type and graphics, not to mention operational simplicity. A business model, once proven, that Microsoft copied.

Lesson learned: You can never anticipate how knowledge learned today can become an integral part of your future. You can’t connect the dots looking forward, but you can certainly connect them looking back. So take classes that interest you, try new experiences. Even if you don’t pursue that field as a living, they will enrich your knowledge and become part of what you can give the world.

Embrace change: Steve Jobs was fired after 10 years at Apple by the board of Directors. (Never does a good deed go unpunished). He was devastated and didn’t know what to do next. He realized he still loved computers and graphics and went onto create two new successful companies, NEXT and Pixar. The rest is history.

Lesson learned: When you have changed foisted upon you — i.e. a layoff, let it be the catalyst to search for what inspires you. Let that lead the way to your next career choice. As in Mr. Jobs’ case, it can put you on a new, an even more fulfilling, path.

Steve Jobs’ suggestions have a common thread: embracing change, and embarking on something new, puts happiness in your own hands. Repeating the same old same old is a dead end!

So, what are you waiting for? Take a deep breath and take the first step. You will be happy you did.

Dale Kurow, M.S., MCDP, is an author and a seasoned executive and career management coach with broad-based business experience. She has built her reputation by delivering just in time, reality based feedback and counseling to rising executives, helping them flourish at the next level.