Stephen Covey’s Big Rock story provided the inspiration for this month’s issue.

A time management guru was speaking to a group of type “A” personalities. He placed a wide-mouth gallon jar on the table in front of him. Next to the jar was a collection of fist-sized rocks. He carefully filled the jar with the big rocks, until he could fit no more.

He asked the group, “Is the jar full?”

Everyone responded, “Yes.”

He then pulled a large bowl of gravel from under the table and proceeded to pour the gravel into the jar. The gravel fit into the spaces between the rocks. He again queried, “Is the jar full?”

“Probably not,” was the group’s reply.

He reached for another bowl, this one filled with sand. He dumped the sand into the jar. The sand filled the spaces not taken by the rocks and the gravel. Once more, he asked, “Is the jar full?”

“No,” everyone agreed.

Finally, he reached for a pitcher of water and poured water into the jar until it was filled to the top. The time management guru looked at the group and asked, “What is the point of my illustration?”

One man replied, “That no matter how full your schedule is, you can always fit one more thing into it.”

“No!” the guru responded.

The point of this illustration is, “If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all!”

The moral of Covey’s story is: Get the important things figured out first, then fit everything else in around them. In other words, know what your priorities are.

So, how does this apply to your career?

Take the time to figure out where your career fits into your life and how much importance you want it to have.

Consider the following:

First and foremost, how much time do you want to devote to your career at this stage of your life?

Are you driven by the need to grow your career?

For example, when I was in my 30s and into my 40s, my career was my top priority. Getting ahead and being successful drove me. I had to give up a lot to get it. I ignored everything else in my life at that time.

How much time are you willing to devote to getting ahead?

What are the things you’d be willing to give up (e.g., relationships, friends, leisure pursuits, time for yourself, etc.) to achieve your goal?

Do you want to work for yourself or for someone else?

Do you want to work for a large corporation, small company or in academia?

In a for-profit or nonprofit environment?

What skills do you need to use in your job/career to function most effectively and to make the most impact?

Do you know what your skills are?

What type of boss do you want?

I have a client that has a knack for choosing bosses. He knows himself and what type of boss he needs to function most effectively (one that will give him independence and promote his career development within the company). His career has skyrocketed because of his ability to select the right boss.

What this boils down to is the need to know what’s important to you and to choose situations that will further your preferences.

Frequently, you end up in a job because a relative or friend thought it was a good career. You never chose. You let other people decide for you. Whether out of fear or lack of knowledge, this is a mistake.

You turn around, you’re thirty or forty and hate your work. You ask yourself how you got here and how the heck to get out.

Better to do the work up front. Take the time and do the soul searching, whether on your own or with help, but do it.

At any age, it’s important to know what your “big rocks” are. Then, you can start to have the balance you want in your life/career and the satisfaction of knowing you chose your goals.

Suggested Reading

“The Career Coach”
by Gordon Miller

I like Gordon’s book because it’s interactive; he offers assessments and quizzes at the end of each chapter. A sampling of his topics include: how to map out your career as part of a strategic plan; how to become proactive, rather than reactive, so you don’t miss out on opportunities; and how to bridge the gap between where you are in your career and where you want to be.

“Now, Discover Your Strengths”
by Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton, Ph.D.

Before you can set your priorities and function at your highest level of achievement and happiness, you need to clearly know what your unique talents and strengths are. This book helps readers discover and capitalize on their specific strengths.

What happens the first time you hear about a new suggestion, idea or offer outside your comfort zone?

Do you immediately say “no”?

Does your stomach do somersaults while your brain struggles to come up with negative comebacks, both verbal and nonverbal?

Do suggestions outside your usual terrain make you feel frightened? Anxious?

How many opportunities have passed you by, and how much have you limited yourself, owing to a naysaying first reaction?

You are not alone, and there’s hope.

Did you ever wonder how the people who constantly put themselves out there (giving speeches, performing, in leadership positions) do it?

They do all those miraculous things AND they are often nervous and scared!

I recently saw Cher’s Farewell Concert on TV. A backstage camera was following her just before her concert began. One of the first things she said was, “I’m nervous.” This from a diva who has been performing for 40 years!! Did she give a great concert? Yes. Could you tell that she was nervous? No. Well, it only took 40 years of practice to perform beautifully despite being nervous!

I often wonder why people say “no” so quickly. Saying “no” may be an attempt to control your world. Otherwise, it may get too overwhelming? Or you may put yourself in a position to fail? Or be embarrassed?

Okay, nothing wrong with saying “no” when you need to set boundaries. Or when you know something isn’t right for you. But what about those times in the middle? For instance, if it’s a brand new idea that you’ve never considered before?

Here’s how this translates to your career:

You’re looking for a job. When someone mentions a career area that you’ve not considered before, do you immediately dismiss it without at least getting more information? Do you not even ask the person why they suggested it?

You’ve exhausted your contacts, spent hours submitting your resume to on-line job boards, yet balk when someone says you need to get out and do more networking.

Do you ignore job ads that might be a stretch because they don’t exactly fit your qualifications? What are you saying to yourself as you turn the page on that ad? I bet it’s a negative thought.

How married are you to remaining negative? Do you justify your lack of success by always pointing towards all the bad stuff that’s happening?

When you hear about a project or get to bid on a new piece of work, do you immediately feel you are an imposter and doubt your capabilities?

Sound familiar?

A client recently said to me, after I suggested a program that would help her deal with the clutter in her life, “How often do I have to do this? More than once?”

Try, your whole life! But like the example of Cher above, it gets easier after 40 years.

Well, the best way I know to counter your loud inner naysayer is to notice what it says . . . but not act on it. For instance,
if your knee jerk reaction is to say “no” and your stomach is doing its usual dance when someone makes a suggestion, say, “That’s an interesting notion, I never thought about that before.”

Give yourself time to ponder it, consider it in the light of a new day. Then, decide if it feels right. What you’ll be doing is giving new ideas a fair chance to flourish.

Being open to new ideas is the best way over the speed bumps on the road to getting a new job, winning that promotion or becoming a better boss.

I often use the phrase “speed bumps” with my clients, to symbolize the hardest part of keeping motivated when you’ve exhausted the usual channels of a job search. And there’s usually more than one speed bump. They come in twos, or threes.

So, next time you hit a speed bump, notice your naysayer. Then, continue to move forward, smiling.

Suggested Reading

“The Portable Coach”
By Thomas Leonard

Thomas Leonard, the father of coaching, recently passed away. I find myself recommending this book again to my clients, as it truly is a way of approaching and reorganizing your life and career that works. From the Clean Sweep Program, which helps you eliminate clutter, to becoming Irresistibly Attractive to Yourself, Leonard’s book provides steps to make it happen.

“I Don’t Know What I Want, But I Know It’s Not This”
By Julie Jansen

Julie addresses today’s work-dissatisfaction epidemic and uses career assessment quizzes and personality exercises to help readers assess their present job, discover the type of work for which they’re best suited and make change happen. Filled with real-life examples and a useful resource section, Julie’s guide is an invaluable instrument for implementing positive career change.

If you are one of the many who are unemployed or anticipate being out of work, read on.

When you lose a job, whether by choice or not, you may feel loss, fear and its helpful cousin, anxiety.

It may have been a miserable situation that you couldn’t wait to leave. You may start beating yourself up (mentally and emotionally) for having stayed too long, for lack of foresight and for the dread of having to begin a job search.

These emotions are draining, debilitating and make you want to stay in bed.

Here are some tips that I’ve learned through the years to deal with job loss:

Initially, give yourself the time to feel and deal with the loss.

That may mean you need to postpone your job search. That’s okay. You’ll come back stronger after taking the time you need. However, if you can’t get out of bed after a week or two, seek professional support.

From day one, focus on taking care of yourself.

This is not the time to eat junk food or give up your exercise program. Your immune system takes a hit when you are stressed, so give it the fuel and care it needs to help you stay healthy.

Visit with close family and friends.

You need hugs, comfort and support. The best place to get it is with people who love you. Don’t isolate yourself for days.

Take time to be reflective.

Think about what your strengths are and what part(s) of your last job you would want to do again. Take notes.

If your last boss was a monster, think about what you would look for in your next boss.

What type of personality and temperament would you seek? What would you avoid? How will you know if it’s a good fit?

Rehearse how you will handle questions about your previous employer, especially if you were forced out.

Don’t get bogged down in too many details. Most employers know that companies reorganize, resulting in staff changes. You don’t need to lie. You can position your former situation in a positive light, without sounding like a victim.

Limit the amount of time you spend speaking with former coworkers.

You don’t need to rehash what happened and who said what about whom. This is a waste of time.

If you really feel blue, think about past successes in your career or life.

Focus on times when you felt joyful. Look at photos of trips or events when you were happy.

Your “job” before getting a job is to keep yourself well and heal prior to launching your job search campaign. You’ll be more successful, and have more confidence and poise, if you give yourself time to restore your energy and resolve.

Suggested Reading

“I Don’t Know What I Want, But I Know It’s Not This”

By Julie Jansen

Julie addresses today’s work-dissatisfaction epidemic and uses career assessment quizzes and personality exercises to help readers assess their present job, discover the type of work for which they’re best suited and make change happen. Filled with real-life examples and a useful resource section, Julie’s guide is an invaluable instrument for implementing positive career change.

“The Mediterranean Diet Cookbook”

By Nancy Harmon Jenkins

This cookbook forever banishes the idea that healthy food has to be boring or tasteless. If you’ve ever visited Italy (or want to), this book’s recipes evoke the warm, golden goodness of olive oil, the savory flavor of garlic and spices on fish, pasta, and crusty breads. Is your mouth watering yet?

Getting an appointment for an interview these days is an accomplishment. It indicates that you have a good resume, and/or that networking has paid off. Bravo. Now for the all-important in-person phase of the process.

There are hundreds of books out there with advice on this topic. I’ve read a lot of them. One I read recently, “201 Questions to Ask on Your Interview” by John Kador, hit a home run with me. More about that in the suggested reading section.

What particularly grabbed me was his discussion of 5 key attributes that need to be in evidence when you interview.

I’m continually telling my clients to ensure that the examples they use to highlight their accomplishments are specific. Explicit numbers, results and outcomes. Generic words are meaningless and have no heft. For example, instead of using the word “significant,” use a number or percentage.

Beyond specific examples of past accomplishments are the behaviors that underlie these results. Now, to these 5 key attributes that should be at the foundation of your presentation.

You need to show the interviewer evidence of being: action-oriented, engaged with the long-term, zestful, curious and committed.

So, how do you do this?

Here are some tips:

Action-oriented.

Not passive. What’s an example from a past job where you drove the meeting, committee or project when it was languishing? Or when a deadline loomed, and you came up with a way to reach the goal? When you saw a way through the impasse or were able to streamline the process to make it happen?

Engaged with the long-term.

When was the last time you were the one to envision the broader consequences of an action? When was the last time your contribution provided a strategic view of a project or action that no one had thought of? For example, by your selecting specific software to use, the company would perhaps save $50,000 within 2 years.

Zestful.

Keen enjoyment or interest. Is there excitement in your voice and body language when you speak about your past work experiences? I’m not talking about nervous energy. I’m talking about the sparkle in your eyes, the animation of your movements and the tone of your voice that genuinely demonstrates your involvement and enthusiasm. This is especially critical for older job seekers. Avoid complacency in your presentation.

Curious.

I love this one. It’s great to be curious about the company you’re interviewing with by asking terrific questions. But first, it’s important to show how curiosity has served you well in a previous job. For example: when was the last time you knew there had to be a better way of performing a task, closing on a particular deal or making a sale to a recalcitrant client? How did your inquiring or questioning of the situation find a better solution that resulted in a success for you and your company? Did you do research? Talk to a colleague who had done this before? Wake up with an epiphany at 3 o’clock in the morning?

Committed.

Dedicated or pledged to a cause. Not self-centered. When was the last time you sacrificed your own comfort, sleep or plans for the sake of a project? Okay, I’m not talking about saying you never had a life. But you need to show what commitment means to you. When was the last time you demonstrated your unswerving devotion to getting the job done?

So that’s it.

The key to demonstrating all of these attributes is speaking in specifics. Use these 5 behaviors as a guide for preparing yourself and your list of accomplishments. You will engage the interviewer and increase your chances of being called back.

If you want help in polishing your presentation skills, whether it’s for an interview or on-the-job, call me for an exploratory conversation at 212/787-6097.

Suggested Reading

“201 Best Questions to Ask on Your Interview”

by John Kador

Kador tackles a subject that many job seekers need help with. His focus is on improving the quality of the questions you bring to your next interview. Here’s a real winner: What’s the most important thing I can do to help within the first 90 days of my employment? Given the increased emphasis companies are placing on the selection process (background checks, testing, etc.), having an arsenal of good questions at the ready is crucial. Kador’s book provides excellent examples of good and bad questions.

Have you gotten tons of career advice, solicited and unsolicited? You nod when you hear it and think, “Yeah, I know this stuff.” So what else is new?

But what have you done with the advice? Fess up. Probably very little.

Do any of these scenarios fit:

You’re in a job you absolutely hate. It’s ruining your health and your life. You stay because of the money, or the fear that there’s nothing better out there.

You’re in a job where your boss ignores you, barks instructions and expects you to be a work alcoholic. But you stay because a new boss might be worse.

You’re lazy. You figure that one of these days you’ll hear about a great job, the economy will improve, or maybe your boss will realize how great you are. Plus you don’t have a resume.

Or, you’re unemployed, and decide not to pursue a job that you heard about, or a field you are interested in, because one person said they were looking for experience you didn’t have. Well, they know best, right?

Hello. I want to grab you by the shoulders, look into your eyes and say “Wake up and smell the coffee!” Santa Claus is not coming down your chimney and Elvis has permanently left the building.

So, why do otherwise savvy adults live with this passive mindset?

F-E-A-R. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of rejection.

You name it, fear has a starring role. With procrastination and laziness as co-stars.

But there’s help at hand!

I read a book 12 years ago, Feel the Fear, and Do It Anyway

by Dr. Susan Jeffers that changed my life. It has been changing my client’s lives ever since. (More about the book in the suggested reading section later).

The crucial thing I learned from this book is that everything depends upon your attitude, your perception of the situation.

Not what happens. Not what people say or do. But how you view it.

So, you’ve heard that before too, right? Has it changed the way you tell yourself how to view what happens, I doubt it.

Here’s the powerful stuff (and stuff I’ve bet you’ve heard before too). Nobody changes his or her attitude without working at it. I’m here to tell you that you need to work that attitude muscle, just like you do your biceps at the gym. Otherwise, forget it.

You don’t wake up one morning, optimistic, ready to take on the world and feeling like Pollyanna. Especially, if you’re out of work, hate your job or are just plain lazy.

So, how do you change your attitude?

Years of therapy. No, just kidding.

Like exercising your biceps, the attitude muscle needs work everyday.

I recommend reading Jeffers book, cover to cover.

In the meantime, here are some tips:

Internal Dialogue exercises (you need to do these more than once a day for starters):

Change the dialogue you have with yourself. Instead of thinking “I’m afraid, or “I don’t want to look stupid.” Think, “I can handle that or “I know I will get a job.”

Instead of thinking “Gee, that’s a problem”, think, “It’s an opportunity.” If someone says “You don’t have the kind of experience for that type of work.” Think, “It’s one person saying it, and let me get more information.”

And forget about words like should or try. Ban them from your vocabulary. They are negative and weak words. Own your power! You either will or won’t.

When I first read Jeffers book, I pasted positive quotes all over the refrigerator and near my desk. I suggest you use quotes that are meaningful to you.

Here’s one I love:

“I’m not a failure if I don’t make it .I’m a success because I tried.” Unknown

Finally, most people think they are the only one experiencing gut wrenching fear. NOT.

You are going to feel the fear whenever you are in new territory (a good thing) but SO IS EVERYONE ELSE. This is one club you’ll want to join. Membership requirements - facing down your fear and bravely moving forward despite it!

Suggested Reading

“Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway”

by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.

I love this book because it’s straightforward, easy to read, and doesn’t throw jargon at you. It’s a great book for helping you to get unstuck. Jeffers offers practical tips and support in moving you forward. My copy is replete with sections I’ve underlined; sections I continue to refer back to. Here’s an example, “Each path is strewn with opportunities despite the outcome.” Imagine if you could adopt that mindset? I can see doors opening all over the place!

“What To Say When You Talk To Yourself”

by Shad Helmstetter

This book will help you to quiet the negative self-tapes that are a first cousin to fear. Helmstetter tell his story well and presents techniques to help you retool how you think. Read: attitude readjustment. One that puts you in control!